This past Friday was my 34th birthday!

This time of year often feels like a new year for me, traditionally a new school year and my birthday coinciding is a new beginning and the perfect time for reflection. This past year brought enormous changes for me and my every day life. I gave birth to our second child, I quit my professional nursing job, and dove deeply into my own self-development. It was a year of immense growth and adjustment, as I’ve come to terms with my shadows, my authentic self, and what I truly want out of my life. 

This journey has been a long time coming for me, but was jolted forward thanks to motherhood- a shift in life that brings about identity crises for many. I started out 2019 with the intention of treating myself like I would a best friend, giving myself love and compassion, and it’s turned out to be an enormous lesson in grace and empathy. I’ve learned just how much I judge myself and others (which IS judging myself), but also how concerned I am about the judgment from others around me (again, more judging of myself). My specific brand of perfectionism was illuminated. I’ve connected with my inner child and committed to giving myself REAL self care in the form of meditation, journaling, yoga, and much, much more. This new focus has allowed me to see beliefs and thoughts I’d held onto my entire life, and as I work through them I’m learning how to let them go.

I have always been driven to improve and achieve, centering much of my self worth on meeting my goals- whether it’s eat “better,” weigh a certain amount, workout a certain amount, make a certain amount of money, or achieve a certain status. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that none of these things truly matter in the scheme of things and that I deserve love and am worthy regardless. So instead of creating a goal, I’m creating an intention. My intention in my 35th year of life is to LET GO of these limiting beliefs and thoughts and behaviors so that I can truly live into my authentic self.

So in honor of being 34 today, here are 34 things I’m letting go of this year.

1. Being the perfect mother. I am good enough.
2. Basing my self worth on what my body looks like.
3. Basing my self worth upon whether or not I meet my goals.
4. Basing my self worth on how much money I make, the certifications I have, my education, or my title.
5. Taking on the role of making everyone happy.
6. Judging myself.
7. Judging others.
8. Listening to my Inner Mean Girl (thanks for the feedback, I got this).
9. Taking things personally. It’s always about them. 
10. Overthinking.
11. Overplanning.
12. Comparing myself and my achievements to others and their achievements (they’re unrelated!).
13. Self doubt- I can do anything!
14. Resentment of others. Resentment of myself.
15. Expectations.
16. Impatience. 
17. Entitlement.
18. Shame.
19. Allowing my ego to drive all my decisions.
20. Allowing fear to drive all my decisions.
21. Assuming that I have all the answers. Assuming that I don’t have any answers.
22. Controlling others. God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change.
23. Avoiding uncomfortable emotions. I sit with them in compassion until they pass.
24. Blaming myself and others. I take responsibility for myself.
25. Judging my body. My appearance, my size, my weight, my skin, my back pain, my abilities.
26. Past relationships that have dried up.
27. Being on my phone for hours a day. The shame that comes with being on my phone for hours a day.
28. Procrastination due to fear. With action comes clarity and confidence.
29. The belief that I’m not ready.
30. Trying to avoid failure and mistakes. Failures and mistakes are merely lessons.
31. Giving up my energy to people, things, and thoughts that don’t serve me.
32. The need to go it alone. I can ask for help when I need it.
33. Allowing other people’s opinions, feedback, and criticisms (perceived or otherwise) to dictate my self worth.
34. Playing small. I am meant for so much more.

What speaks to you on this list? Is there something here that you’d like to let go of? You don’t have to wait to try it. You can do it right now in this moment. Pick on thing and let it go. If it pops up, recognize it, name it, feel it. You don’t need to wear it or shame yourself because it’s there again. You just need to allow it to pass through you. Your only job is to just let it go.

To help you with this process, I’ve created the RAIN of Self Compassion Worksheet, based off of Tara Brach’s RAIN exercise. This process has been helpful to me this past year in my quest for self love, and I know that it will be helpful to you in your own journey off letting go.